Lessons Learned

Throughout this healing journey, I've had to learn a lot of hard lessons. The people pleaser in me and the worry about what the world thinks has eaten me alive through this process but I can honestly say I've probably learned some of the most valuable lessons regarding interpersonal relationships.

I'm gonna give you 2 challenges that may require some soul-searching but we could use a check-in to the soul every now and then.

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I heard this in church one day.

"How you view others is how you treat others."

This was one of many wake-up calls to my soul. I've struggled so hard with the "why is all this happening." Well there was my answer God was giving me even though it was a hard truth.

If you have no respect for others, your actions will reflect that.

If you have no compassion for others, you'll lack remorse, accountability and grace.

If you have a self-fulfilling mindset, your actions to others will be selfish.

It sounds so simple but yet I spent months racking my brain for answers on why this or that was happening to me.

Not only did it give me my answer, it also gave me a moment to check my own heart. I can beat up the people that have caused me pain but if I'm not learning and growing from it, then what good comes from it? The pain and afflictions don't win and cause my heart to harden.

I also want to spin this the other way now. For a long time I looked at all the negative ways I had been viewed and therefore received negative treatment. But because I was looking at it that way I was missing all the positive ways I was viewed by all the healthy relationships I had in my life. It made me cherish those relationships even more.

Challenge #1

How do you view others? Are you viewing others the way God views you? Are you a positive or a negative impact in someone's life?

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It's probably safe to assume we've all been in a situation where "closure" feels needed. Where we feel stuck because we feel like we need that empathic apology or we need to be understood. Even though you know it doesn't change the outcome, you feel like it's what is holding you back from being able to move forward.

Along with needing to understand the "why," I've been on the edge of my seat, waiting for sincere apologies from so many people involved in my situation so I could just let it go and move on. They never came and what actually did come was just more hurt. The more time that passed with no "closure," I started to realize, I've already been given all the closure I needed.

Disrespect.

Manipulation.

Shame.

These were repeat behaviors afflicted on me and if that wasn't enough to show me that I needed to slam this door closed, I'm not sure anything ever would.

Again, it sounds so simple. There's a lot of emotions that come with this. You don't just slam the door and that means all the pain goes away. They're there but my perspective was it felt like it gave me my power back. I didn't "need" anything from them anymore. They had shown me all I needed to see and now I could focus on me and my healing and put the past in the past.

We underestimate the power of perspective. The circumstances didn't change but my posture sure did.

To quote the legendary Rachel Green, "and that, my friend, is what they call closure."

Challenge #2

If you're waiting on closure, look at what you've already been shown. Chances are you can shut that door and deal with it between you and God now.